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A pocket guide to distinguishing ex disney starlets – for Courtney April 24, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — verysophisticated @ 11:23 am

A pop culturally astute coworker said something horrifying to me today – she can’t tell the difference between Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato and Vanessa Hudgens.  SAY WHAT!?  I was and remain speechless. Sure, these women look similar and are all vaguely ethnic, but they are clearly completely different! Thus, I have compiled this pocket guide to distinguish ex Disney starlets.

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Who the f is this?  Selena Gomez.  

What was she on?  Wizards of Waverly Place

Who did she bang?  Justin Bieber

What song would I know?  When You’re Ready Come and Get It

What’s her scandal?  Nothing too exciting.  She went to rehab for undisclosed issues recently, citing the official bullshit reason of “exhaustion.”  

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Who the f is this?  Demi Lovato

What was she on?  Sonny With a Chance

Who did she bang?  Joe Jonas and Wilmer Valderrama (barf)

What song would I know?  Neon Lights, Heart Attack

What’s her scandal?  She has done a lot of drugs and was a cutter.  The highlight is when she beat up a Jonas Brothers backup dancer.  When she went to rehab, her Disney show got cancelled, was reformatted and went on without her (ouch).  She is a judge on one of those terrible singing shows now.  Bonus scandal – she wore this hat a lot:

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Who the F is this?  Vanessa Hudgens

What was she on?  All the High School Musical Movies

Who did she bang?  Zac Efron (get it, girl)

What song would I know?  None.  She mostly does movies.  Terrible, terrible movies.

What’s her scandal?  Nude cell phone pictures of her got leaked.  Big whoop, she got to bang Zac Efron.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m open for bidness! April 21, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — verysophisticated @ 7:40 am

I'm open for bidness!

https://www.etsy.com/shop/WreatherMadnessJCMO

 

Wreather Madness March 10, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — verysophisticated @ 10:03 am

I have a wreath problem, and I have known it for a while.  I’ve made Halloween wreaths, Christmas wreaths, spring wreaths and fall wreaths.  I even made my mom a patriotic wreath.  Clearly, it’s an obsession.  Now it’s moved on to madness.

I started a really intensive (and much needed, believe me, child) weight treatment program the middle of January.  It’s doctor monitored and involves weekly classes and counseling, so it’s working great.  One of the requirements of my diet plan is that I (temporarily) can’t drink.  For a lot of people, that would mean more free time.  For me it means MORE WREATH TIME!

First I made a Mardi Gras wreath.

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Then I made a second one.

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I liked this style, so I ended up making one for my mom and one for her best friend.  Then, two weekends ago I realized Mardi Gras was March 4, so I needed to think about my next wreath theme.  I chose Easter, of course.  First I made one with white plastic eggs I mod podged with tissue paper.  I based the colors on this fabric belt / sash I’ve had forever that came with some pants I bought like 15 years ago. I’m not a matador, unfortunately, so I don’t think I can pull off a sash.  I never knew what to do with it, but have held onto it all this time because I love the colors and pattern.  Voila – I used the actual belt as the bow on the wreath.

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I made two of these and am giving the other one to Lisa.  Unfortunately, this project has not scratched my Easter wreath itch.  So I made another one.

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This one is my favorite so far.  I am in love with the tiny brown bunny and his giant carrot.  So, of course, I’m working on a second one. This wreath madness is serious business.

Speaking of business, should I try to sell these or something?

 

Opening Ceremonies Bingo February 6, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — verysophisticated @ 5:28 am

I’ve now turned in my predictions into a bingo game.

https://bingobaker.com/play/216772

Enjoy!

 

Predictions for the Opening Ceremonies at Sochi February 4, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — verysophisticated @ 11:41 am

I found this article in the onion yesterday and sent it to a bunch of friends.  While it is satire, sadly, I don’t think it’s too far off in its take on the Olympic games this year.  With the help of some friends, I have assembled some predictions for the opening ceremonies this Friday (the only Olympics coverage I will be watching besides reports on the inevitable terrorist attack):

  1. Reenactment of the slaughter of the Romanoff family.
  2. An actual hate crime (not that it will be illegal in Russia).
  3. A power outage.
  4. Mila Kunis.
  5. Animal cruelty.
  6. The triumphant return of fake lesbian supergroup t.a.t.u.
  7. High kickers in fur hats (this was a gimme, but I had to include it).
  8. Dancing babushkas!
  9. Old equipment with poorly painted-over hammers and sickles.
  10. NBC commentators making jokes about borscht and vodka.

 

Afternoon videos with B3 January 29, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — verysophisticated @ 11:03 am

I do a TON of writing at my job and like to listen to music when I do.  To mix it up, I listen to a lot of music on youtube – whole albums of people I like, one hit wonders from my youth and everything in between.  I usually don’t watch the music videos (it would defeat the purpose of background music), but sometimes I catch some real gems.  When I do, I like to share them with B3*, who you may remember as my ambassador to black movies.  Here are some recent finds:

Behold the largest computer monitor in music.

Did you know Joanna is old as hell?  Here’s what B3 had to say about it:

  • My momma used to wear this song out!
  • These fools got a whole horn section in the diner
  • You know that lady’s like “Cotdamn I got too much work to do – ya’ll fools gonna order somethin’ or what?”

B3 had a lot to say about Patti LaBelle‘s feet:

  • You know she got some old orthopedic shoes
  • Corns be killing her being on her feet all day
  • As soon as she get home those feet go right in some epsom salt

I must confess I do not remember this Isley Brothers‘ song that B3 shared with me.  But lord alive!  The main guy’s outfit is simply amazing.  This is a great example of the often undiagnosed problem of “hot arms” – he needs a shirt to keep his torso warm but needs to keep his arms uncovered since they get so hot, but also needs to protect his freezing wrists, preferably with something spangly.  This condition is prevalent with both male dancers and random dudes at gay bars.

* In case you ever wanted to picture what B3 looked like, I don’t have a picture of him.  However, I have one of his alter ego, St. Louis pimp Macaroni Toni:

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New year’s resolution December 31, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — verysophisticated @ 5:03 am

1.  Be Beyonce.